Cya, 2020

Dear 2020

Where to start. What a new experience you have been. The rollercoaster that just keeps on giving. For the most part you felt like a dream.

You have made me thankful for so many things. Not that I wasn't thankful or greatful before you but you've made me relax and have given me time to think.

March 2020 you where a surge of uncertainty and pensive sadness. You ripped out my heart and tested how strong I was without it. Learning how to listen to my emotions and feelings was new for me. I see it as a new personal skill and I make better choices now, thanks to you.

By April and May we where rewarded with glorious sunshine and mountains of family time. I thankyou so much for this. We've never been together so much as this year.

Many phone calls where made to loved ones and friends. Sometimes with uncontrollable tears but mostly with happiness. You've helped me make more room in my life for family and friends.

I won't say too much about the girls as I could go on forever. This time has been so special to me but I now miss them more than ever. This is definitely your fault but I'm feeling better about it now.

This whole writing/feeling thing has never been an interest and I've always wondered how it helped but now I fully understand the powers of writing down your feelings and what your greatful for. I'm doing more of this in 2021.

Going back to work in July we felt back to normal, mostly. To see all my lovely clients and the smiles on their faces to see someone different and take part in a little self care, gave me so much joy just to sit and chat nonsense whilst painting beautiful nails. The girls started school in September which was a shift in emotions again. They're doing amazingly and I'm ok now too.

October and November gave us more nephews and beautiful bundles of joy for friends. And although we've only seen them through facetime we look forward to finally meeting you all one day.

December came and wrecked the joint again but by now we're used to your ways 2020. There's something to be said for 4 year olds and a non-family christmas, they help you cope and momentarily diffuse the sadness.

Going in to 2021 I'm prepared and have suffered enough to know how to deal with the last bit of this hell. Yesterday was a bad day but today is a good day and I think this is something we're used to now, but hopefully not for too much longer.

2020 it's not your fault, just bad timing. It's ok, I forgive you. Thankyou for teaching me new personal skills, how to listen to my emotions and how to raise 2 smart and hilarious, little girls.

We go in to 2021 with me not at work and the girls not at school, but I guess this is something else that's new for me to learn.

Enjoy the girls in this unusual time - before you know it they will be back to school. Remember you secretly wanted more time with them.

Just take one day at a time.

Much love, Han x